| We were gathered 'round the television, where | | | | "OK, so it's dusty," I admitted. "If we dusted |
| Little Lady was watching an episode of Stuart | | | | more frequently, we would spend less time |
| Little. The kids had entered their house for a | | | | together and it would be less of a home." |
| Home Of The Year contest sponsored by some | | | | "The Home Of The Year contest Committee |
| fancy magazine. | | | | really does not care whether we spend time |
| I turned to my wife with yet another one of my | | | | together," my wife said. She headed toward the |
| way-too-brilliant ideas. "Why don't we enter the | | | | kitchen in search of iced tea, nearly tripping over |
| Home Of The Year contest?" I asked. | | | | a bag of clothes along the way. "They just want |
| My wife looked around in horror. "What? With this | | | | to see a spotless house with all the classiest |
| place?" | | | | decorations." |
| Little Lady, just over two years old, was looking | | | | Who needs paper, anyway. Little Lady found a |
| for the green crayon. "Sure," I replied, obviously | | | | blank spot on the wall, and started applying her |
| missing something. "Why not? It's a great home." | | | | green crayon. |
| "This place is a mess," my wife said in frustration, | | | | "Well, that might make a good House Of The |
| as she started slipping the videos back into their | | | | Year, but a home is a place to live in. It needs to |
| sleeves. "What magazine would call this home of | | | | exude love and comfort, not cleanliness," I said. |
| the year? Dump Monthly? Trash Can News? Oh, I | | | | Apparently, I was still clueless. "Homes of the |
| know - Bad Housekeeping?" | | | | year never exude love, and certainly not |
| Little Lady emptied the crayon box on the floor. | | | | comfort," she explained, picking up a copy of |
| "Oh come on," I answered. "This is a wonderful | | | | Good Housekeeping from the floor. "They are |
| home full of love and joy. See all the drawings | | | | showcases of a woman's ability to keep a house |
| taped to the wall?" | | | | in immaculate condition with absolute precision ... |
| "In the Home Of The Year, there are no crayon | | | | despite the presence of a male creature around." |
| drawings taped to the wall," my wife explained | | | | Ouch. Little Lady gleefully switched to the red |
| with just a hint of patience. "There might be an | | | | crayon. "Well I don't know anything about keeping |
| original Rembrandt or Van Gogh, or perhaps an | | | | a house tidy, but if that's what the magazines |
| exceptional imitation. It would be placed in an | | | | want, why don't they call it The Janitorial |
| elegant frame." | | | | Olympics?" I asked. |
| Little Lady found the green crayon. Now she | | | | "I don't know. Maybe it's too hard for them to |
| needed a sheet of paper on which to draw. | | | | spell," my wife replied, smiling. "But they don't, so |
| "I don't know," I hesitated. "Rembrandt and Van | | | | just get used to reality. We simply do not have |
| Gogh don't sound very homey. I suspect you | | | | even the slightest, tiniest, most minuscule hope of |
| might find them in the Museum Of The Year | | | | ever winning the Home Of The Year contest." |
| contest." | | | | By then, Little Lady had drawn three stick figures |
| "Just look at this dust!" my wife cried. She blew | | | | on the wall. "My home," she shouted, running to |
| on the top of the television set, which temporarily | | | | give Mommy a big hug. |
| vanished into the haze. | | | | I didn't need a magazine to tell me we already |
| Little Lady emptied her bookshelf with one fell | | | | lived in the home of the year. And if the dust |
| swoop, but still could not find paper on which to | | | | doesn't kill us off first, we will live there every |
| draw. | | | | year. |