| We were gathered 'round the television, where | | | | "OK, so it's dusty," I admitted. "If we |
| Little Lady was watching an episode of Stuart | | | | dusted more frequently, we would spend less |
| Little. The kids had entered their house for | | | | time together and it would be less of a |
| a Home Of The Year contest sponsored by some | | | | home." |
| fancy magazine. | | | | |
| | | | "The Home Of The Year contest Committee |
| I turned to my wife with yet another one of | | | | really does not care whether we spend time |
| my way-too-brilliant ideas. "Why don't we | | | | together," my wife said. She headed toward |
| enter the Home Of The Year contest?" I asked. | | | | the kitchen in search of iced tea, nearly |
| | | | tripping over a bag of clothes along the way. |
| My wife looked around in horror. "What? | | | | "They just want to see a spotless house with |
| With this place?" | | | | all the classiest decorations." |
| | | | |
| Little Lady, just over two years old, was | | | | Who needs paper, anyway. Little Lady found a |
| looking for the green crayon. "Sure," I | | | | blank spot on the wall, and started applying |
| replied, obviously missing something. "Why | | | | her green crayon. |
| not? It's a great home." | | | | |
| | | | "Well, that might make a good House Of The |
| "This place is a mess," my wife said in | | | | Year, but a home is a place to live in. It |
| frustration, as she started slipping the | | | | needs to exude love and comfort, not |
| videos back into their sleeves. "What | | | | cleanliness," I said. |
| magazine would call this home of the year? | | | | |
| Dump Monthly? Trash Can News? Oh, I know - | | | | Apparently, I was still clueless. "Homes of |
| Bad Housekeeping?" | | | | the year never exude love, and certainly not |
| | | | comfort," she explained, picking up a copy of |
| Little Lady emptied the crayon box on the | | | | Good Housekeeping from the floor. "They are |
| floor. "Oh come on," I answered. "This is a | | | | showcases of a woman's ability to keep a |
| wonderful home full of love and joy. See all | | | | house in immaculate condition with absolute |
| the drawings taped to the wall?" | | | | precision ... despite the presence of a male |
| | | | creature around." |
| "In the Home Of The Year, there are no crayon | | | | |
| drawings taped to the wall," my wife | | | | Ouch. Little Lady gleefully switched to the |
| explained with just a hint of patience. | | | | red crayon. "Well I don't know anything |
| "There might be an original Rembrandt or Van | | | | about keeping a house tidy, but if that's |
| Gogh, or perhaps an exceptional imitation. | | | | what the magazines want, why don't they call |
| It would be placed in an elegant frame." | | | | it The Janitorial Olympics?" I asked. |
| | | | |
| Little Lady found the green crayon. Now she | | | | "I don't know. Maybe it's too hard for them |
| needed a sheet of paper on which to draw. | | | | to spell," my wife replied, smiling. "But |
| | | | they don't, so just get used to reality. We |
| "I don't know," I hesitated. "Rembrandt and | | | | simply do not have even the slightest, |
| Van Gogh don't sound very homey. I suspect | | | | tiniest, most minuscule hope of ever winning |
| you might find them in the Museum Of The Year | | | | the Home Of The Year contest." |
| contest." | | | | |
| | | | By then, Little Lady had drawn three stick |
| "Just look at this dust!" my wife cried. She | | | | figures on the wall. "My home," she shouted, |
| blew on the top of the television set, which | | | | running to give Mommy a big hug. |
| temporarily vanished into the haze. | | | | |
| | | | I didn't need a magazine to tell me we |
| Little Lady emptied her bookshelf with one | | | | already lived in the home of the year. And |
| fell swoop, but still could not find paper on | | | | if the dust doesn't kill us off first, we |
| which to draw. | | | | will live there every year. |
| | | | |